****** THIS STORY IS SATIRE.******

It’s a cold and stormy Friday night. After a long week of boring homework and annoying teachers, the weekend has finally come, and you get to go on a date with the girl of your DREAMS. As the storm outside rages on, you and your date are on her couch, sitting cozily, yet somewhat distant from each other. “What do you feel like watching?” You ask her. She leans back on the couch and stares off into the distance with a pondering look on her face. “Hmmmm, I don’t know…you choose.” She replies. As you hear her say this, a million choices fly through your head. You want to choose a movie that will help set the mood, something that will help you close that few feet of distance between the two of you. However, you also don’t want to weird her out, and choose a flick that will ruin your chances of getting any play. 

Having recently experienced this problem, I’ve long wanted to understand the type of movies huzz enjoy. What constitutes a good date night movie? In order to answer this question, I did some field research, and came back with promising answers. Self-proclaimed women expert Joey Covey explains that “a good date night movie has tension and emotion, but not too much emotion, you don’t want the girl sobbing at the end of the movie.” Joey brings up a good point. Emotional movies can make the girl cry, and can make you look like a tender, emotional being. This signals to your date that you are complex, and it further illustrates your big behavior. “A good movie also has friskiness,” adds Joey, “if it happens in the movie then it might happen in real life.” Joey’s wise remarks gave me a lot more insight into the topic at hand, and it inspired me to share an opinion of my own. After long hours of careful research, I created my own list of the THREE best movies for date night, in no particular order. These films are a fail-safe way straight to huzz town.

Note: Results also majorly depend on your level of attraction.

#3. 50 Shades of Grey

When it comes to good date night movies, there is nothing better than a wholesome romance. The beautiful and creative world-building of 50 Shades of Grey will leave you and your date in shackles. The movie explores the lives of two love struck individuals; a 21 year old literature student, and a 27 year old successful businessman. The movie is an emotional rollercoaster, and not only does it deliver heart-wrenching scenes that will leave you and the huzz in tears, but it creates a hot and steamy environment that will keep you and your date warm throughout the cold winter night. Both characters are so relatable, and their relationship is reminiscent of that of wholesome puppy love. 50 Shades of Grey is a perfect date night movie, and its long string of sequels that follow it are perfect for future dates.

#2. American Psycho

In order to make a good first impression, the movies you choose to watch on date night should embody everything you stand for, and should also let the girl know what she can expect from a relationship with you. This is why American Psycho is a perfect choice for date night. The film follows a young, successful man named Patrick Bateman, and it shows his search for an escape from his mundane life as a wall street businessman. The movie gets very emotional as Bateman deals with the challenges of difficult coworkers, maintaining his personal image, and going through numerous romantic partners in search of true love. Along with its masterpiece of a plot, American Psycho also contains tons of quotable moments such as when Bateman says, “You can always be thinner, look better.” Quotes like these can help communicate your expectations for women, and let the girl understand what you are looking for in a partner.

#1. The Texas Chainsaw Massacre

In contrast to the two more optimistic movies above, the last movie on our list is an option for more alternative date nights. While many may say that The Texas Chainsaw Massacre is not a good date night flick because of all of the blood and gore, what they fail to realize is that the entire movie is a metaphor for unrequited love. The mask that our unnamed killer wears represents the facade he wears to mask his insecurities. The gruesome way he kills the characters off one by one can be compared to the way a lonely man acts out when he doesn’t have any love in his life. This film also takes place in Texas, and trust me when I say that there is nothing that girls find hotter than a southern accent.

The movies listed above are all perfect for getting close with a girl, however they can’t do everything. These movies act as an accompaniment to the overall melody, and it is up to you and the decisions you make in order to get game. A few final tips to remember in order to perfect your date night is to remember that body language is always important. Make sure to manspread your body across as much of the couch as possible in order to establish your dominance. Once you master these techniques, your movie nights will be elevated to a new level.