Is it possible to have self esteem without having to be better than other people? We live in a society where our value is based on our comparison with those around us. How rich you are is dependent on how rich the neighbors are. How smart you are is based on the grades of your peers around you. How good you are at a sport depends on whether or not you can beat your teammates. It is a zero sum game, and in order for one person to succeed, another must fail. 

However, being better than the people around us can be difficult, and because of this we choose to put others down, instead of rising above them. Spreading rumors, telling insults, and talking behind people’s backs are only a few of the things we do in order to make others look lesser, or more inferior than us. Gratifying our own egos is more important to us than being kind, and we choose to sell out even our closest friends for our own personal gain. 

Recently, I chose to put someone else down in order to make myself look cooler.

It was a late-February night, and I was sitting around the outdoor fireplace with my friends. Everyone around me was making fun of some kid at our school, teasing him for his looks and his weight. The kid they were making fun of was a friend of mine, someone who I had recently met. On one hand I wanted to defend this kid, but I also felt the need to fit in with my friends, and to make myself look cool. I succumbed to the temptation of feeding my ego, and joined in with my friends, gossiping about this kid behind his back. 

At first, making fun of others and putting them down felt good. I felt like I was cooler, and more successful than others around me. Every mean comment or jibe I said about someone behind their back further inflated my ego and self worth…

However, slowly yet surely, it all came crashing down.

All of the degrading things that I was saying about my peers made me feel like a crappy person, and it dragged my self-esteem to an all time low. Not to mention that rumors spread around, and soon people all around the school, some of whom were my close friends, found out about me gossiping behind their backs. I lost relationships with others, and my reputation took a hit. I had isolated myself at the top of my own egotistical pedestal. I stood alone, and I stood in misery. 

I was basing my ego and self esteem on being BETTER than others. Whatever I did, whether it be tennis, school, or other things, I wanted to be the best. I did whatever it took to be number one, and when someone came along who was better than me, I took it personally. But I mean come on, the reality is no matter how good you are at something there will always be someone who’s better…and that’s OK. Life isn’t about being the BEST at something. Life is about continually improving and getting better, and pushing yourself past the limits that you place on yourself. The people around us aren’t measuring sticks, they are support beams. Let us prevent our egos from getting in the way of our relationships with one another. Because at the end of the day, when we are stripped of all our titles and achievements, the only thing we will have left is each other.