Surviving Darwin’s social jungle

Surviving+Darwin%27s+social+jungle

Chiz McCulloch

Timpview strives to be the best. With the  underground motto as “Survival of the Fittest.” Here is your brief crash course of how to brave this GPA-obsessed catacomb.

The most weighted rules are those unwritten, so, as your survival guide in this jungle, here is the unwritten, now written

Seniors are the “best” and their rules include, but are not limited to…

  • Mosh pitting at every assembly to the crowd’s annoyance.
  • Winning the spirit bowl at all costs.
  • Being the only ones on the rail at football games.
  • Believing Freshmen are the worst.

Juniors

  • Must show up the seniors in order to promote school spirit.
  • They are Timpview’s sacrifice, constantly taking one for the Thunderbird team, with the most AP classes and the ACT (can I get an RIP in the chat please.)

Sophomores

  • Never take other sophomores to Prom.
  • Prepare now for your junior year. Ready yourself for Hades with Shelton, who’s the spitting image of Charon.

Freshmen

  • It is frowned upon for freshman to sluff, such innocent youth…
  • Must take the long walk to Day’s for lunch.

Everyone

  • Regarding phones in class, snitches get stitches.
  • Those who stand at the bottom of the stairs. Stop.
  • Those who stand in the middle of the stairs. Stop.
  • Those who stand at the top of the stairs. Stop.
  • The privilege of no assigned seats are really self assigned seats, everyone knows this and the people that move are the brave souls. The parking lot also applies.

Regarding dances.

  • You can’t ask the same person twice. Social stigma is alive and strong and you will be judged.
  • Answer too early and you will be seen as needy.
  • Answer too late and that’s “barbaric.”

Good luck fellow wanderers, if you’re willing to break these sacred rules, prepare now for the consequences. And if all else fails, you will too.