It’s a simple recipe. A bun, a beef patty, a slice of cheese, and another smattering of other condiments. Yet this straightforward formula varies wildly between variants, each different from the other. This has opened up a fierce debate over which of these sandwich forms is superior. While this “burger war” varies on a local, statewide, national, and even global level, it occurs naturally, as naturally as breathing, and many have tried to settle the debate themselves, taking the unsolvable into their own, unworthy hands. I, on the other hand, have taken this uncarriable mantle upon mine own back, like the weight of the world on Atlas. I have created a list for the finest burger in Provo, Utah, to educate the uneducated, and to put an end to the feud over which burger is the best of the best.
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This list is from worst to best
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JCW’s
If there is one burger that has so much potential, but wastes it spectacularly, it would be this burger. One of the two burgers on this list that is charbroiled rather than cooked on a grill. The patty is inconsistent between times I’ve gotten it. Sometimes it’s rather rare, and on other occasions, it’s a little charred, but when done fine, the patty is excellent. The two biggest weaknesses of the burger would have to be the bun, which are topped with oats, giving an overall feel of a wheatier type of bread, which is fine and all, but not ideal for use on a burger that isn’t trying to be a healthier alternative. The other place where it falls short is probably the lettuce, which is shredded, rather than leaf lettuce like most any other burger, and results in lots of lettuce falling out of the burger, although you can order leaf lettuce on the burger. It has so much going for it, but falls short in multiple fields.
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Burger Supreme
The other member of the charbroiled gang, Burger Supreme is more of an ironed out version of the JCW’s burger. It’s built almost essentially the same, but Burger Supreme uses one of the most traditional types of buns you could possibly ask for. Sesame seed buns make the most stereotypical bun you could think of, the kind you would see if you googled “hamburger bun” and clicked on images. However the burger is fundamentally the same as the JCW’s burger. The only other real difference between the two burgers is that Burger Supreme uses leaf lettuce over shredded lettuce like JCW’s, and other than that, it doesn’t bring anything new to the table.
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CHOM
CHOM’s biggest strengths lay in its meat. It was cooked to perfection, and had a good middle ground between a dry patty, and one that drooled its juices all over. While the beef tasted amazing, there was two big issues, and I should mention that one of them is fairly opinionated, but then again, this entire article is one long opinion article, and if you disagree, I can always stand behind my shield of “It’s my opinion.” The cheeseburger, did not come with cheese. While one might add that that makes it a hamburger, again, see earlier when I mentioned this was my opinion. Without the cheese, the burger is deprived of a key ingredient that provides flavor, texture, and moisture to the patty. The other issue, would have to be the bun, and how thick it was. Not only was it fairly firm, creating a higher bun-to-ingredient ratio, which had me eating more bread than burger, but it was a little dry, and it ended up feeling like it didn’t coexist well with the meat. Like the burgers that came before it, it had some things going incredibly well for it, but other factors brought it down significantly.
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Mooyah
In stark contrast to the CHOM burger, Mooyah’s greatest strength was their bun. The potato bun was lightly buttered and crisped on the edges. It was honestly everything one could ask for from a bun, however that was about the most memorable thing about the burger. Nothing else stood out when compared with this fantastic bun, which I honestly wished was on every other burger I had tried. That’s not of course to say that the meat or the other ingredients were bad per say. It just didn’t make a significant impression on me, and therefore is only fourth on this list.
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Five Guys
While definitely the least visually appealing burger on this list, that did not get in the way in this burger’s taste. While the bun was a bit squashed when it was delivered, it was in reality a spongier version of the Burger Supreme bun, both sesame seed covered, but the Five Guys bun tasted fluffier in my opinion. The meat was cooked on a flat grill, and had a very even cook throughout, but was slightly charred on the outside which gave an excellent texture to the meat with every bite. As the ingredients are up to the customer to choose, it worked a bit differently compared with the other burgers on this list. Picking lettuce, tomatoes, grilled onions, and pickles, along with mayonnaise, I noticed that nothing was overdone, there was certainly enough of each ingredient, although I thought they were a tad stingy on giving out pickles and grilled onions, and overall didn’t taste much of those two on the burger. A great burger all-in-all, but they could relinquish their hold on their toppings a tad.
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In-N-Out
By far the most consistent burger I’ve had to date, In-N-Out has never let me down. It definitely feels like the only burger that consistently matches the picture on the menu. The meat is uniformly cooked throughout the patty, which provides a reliable consistency with every bite. It comes with a smattering of grilled onions, each of which are grilled completely through, melding with the cheese in a pleasant sort of fashion, which in turn gives additional flavor and texture to the cheese itself. In-N-Out burger sauce adds terrific flavor to the patty, although it is in essence just thousand island dressing. However, like the Five Guys burger, it was a little lacking on the other toppings, like the lettuce and tomatoes. Were it not for the lowish amount of toppings, I would have to argue that In-N-Out is the quintessential burger.
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Seven Brothers
Here we are, the bottom of the list. If you read the entire article, congratulations! You have my respect for having the patience to read through my article. If you scrolled straight to the bottom to read my top burger, then angrily disagree because Burger Supreme isn’t at the top, I’m sorry to disappoint you, but this article was written for people who will read it, not people with poor opinions like yourself, I mean, Burger Supreme? Really? Wake up people. We don’t live in 1952 anymore, you amateurs. The burger at Seven Brothers is, in short, fantastic. Everything about this burger just… works. A glorious collaboration between everything good between all the burgers on this list, Seven Brothers was a symphony created in celebration of the burger. Patty? Perfect. Toppings? Terrific. Buns? Brilliant. There was never too much of something, and not too little of anything. In short, I would argue that this is the best burger in Provo.
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Will the world ever really know what the best burger is? The honest answer is, no. Did I open this article promising that I held all the answers? The second honest answer is, don’t be so trusting. I’ve only offered my insights on what I believe are the best burgers here in Provo. Use this as a guide, not gospel truth. Something as versatile as a burger is never going to ever reach a perfect recipe when it has so many combinations, but at the very least, I hope I’ve given everyone a pretty reasonable idea about which burger is the best to pick.
