M&M’s Magic Love Advice: Love in quarantine

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Week Three: Love in Quarantine

Do you struggle with teenage love? Do you have a crush, but just can’t quite figure out what to do about it? Is your relationship struggling in quarantine? Well do we have a solution for you! M&M’s Magic Love Advice is here and ready to answer Timpview’s top questions about the mysteries of love.

DISCLAIMER: M2’s replies are intended to be satirical and just in general bad advice. PLEASE TAKE SOCIAL DISTANCING GUIDELINES SERIOUSLY AND ADHERE TO THEM.

Q. I wasn’t really on a texting basis with my crush before quarantine started, so how do I start a conversation?

If you don’t already text, try starting a conversation by talking about a class you have together. “When’s the homework due?” can easily evolve to other topics of conversation if you play your cards right. If you don’t have a class together, then reply to their story on Instagram (assuming you already know them and are relatively acquainted, if not friends), avoid sliding in though, in my experience and understanding, that rarely, if ever, works. You could also just try snapchatting them or texting them out of the blue, try sending them something that you saw that reminded you of them, whether it be a meme, an inside joke, anything to start that conversation.

–M1

Give up. There is no hope. Love is a conspiracy by the government to keep the world from the dangers of underpopulation—coronavirus is just revealing this well-known fact even further. The government is controlling you and your ideals of romance aren’t going to do a thing to change that.

Wake up, Timpview.

–M2

Q. The guy I’ve been dating has been unresponsive since quarantine started, what do I do?

COVID-19 has pretty much thrown every highschooler into a long-distance relationship. And like any long-distance relationship, it can be hard to find your groove. And before you over-analyze and over-think about your every little action, ask yourself, do you feel like they’re trying? Are they making an effort? Of course communication is going to decrease because you’re spending less time with them, but if you feel like they aren’t really making an effort to keep the relationship going during quarantine, you should talk to them about it. Express your concerns and have a conversation about it. Before you sit down and have a long hearty talk though (virtually of course), make sure you’re putting in the effort, you’re asking them how their day was, how they’re doing, you’re making an effort to show that you’re committed. It’s gotta be two-sided or it won’t be fulfilling.

–M1

Don’t worry; it’s not like he can go out with other girls anyway.

But regardless, now’s the perfect chance to meet online friends and completely forget about the people who you’ve grown to know and love. Try awesome fun activities like starting new friendships on Club Penguin or getting a new Minecraft boyfriend! All of your “real” friends will be there when you get back from quarantine, but in the meantime now’s the perfect chance to create new relationships that could last for weeks, maybe even months!

–M2

Q. What are some quarantine date ideas?

Ahhhh, it’s getting warmer outside (supposedly), spring is in the air, but social distancing is preventing you from actually hanging out with your SO. There are a couple things you could do though seeing as how this quarantine isn’t going to end any time soon. To keep the romance fresh, you try meeting up at a park and hammocking or something, just make sure you stay an appropriate distance apart. Meeting at one of your favorite food places to enjoy a meal from the comfort of your own, separate cars is also a good idea, just make sure to roll down the windows so you can actually hear them. Last but not least, FaceTime! There’s no better time than quarantine to FaceTime your boo.

–M1

Don’t let something like a pesky virus get you down! Hit up all of your favorite clubs, throw a party, go to your significant other’s house, take advantage of the low costs of airfare and go on a vacation (or, better yet, a cruise!), and experience the beauty of Disneyland without any of the lines! Love is such a beautiful thing—in fact, as the great play Romeo and Juliet shows, the most powerful thing in the universe. Nothing can stop true love; not family rivalries, not logic, not age, not death, and especially not disease.

–M2

DISCLAIMER: M2’s replies are intended to be satirical and just in general bad advice. PLEASE TAKE SOCIAL DISTANCING GUIDELINES SERIOUSLY AND ADHERE TO THEM.