I feel like it’s difficult to put into words what depression feels like. So I’m going to use a rough metaphor. 

When life gives you lemons you just stand there and stare at them. You want to make lemonade, you really do. But you just can’t. So instead you sit on the floor with your head between your knees. 

You sit there while everyone else makes lemonade with their lemons. 

People start to take notice. 

“Come on, let’s get out and exercise.”

I can’t 

“Get up and call your friends.”

I can’t. 

“Eat something, you’re probably hungry.”

I can’t. 

“Talk to me.”

I can’t.

“How are you doing?”

I’m fine.

“Are you sad?”

I don’t know.

You are still sitting on the ground. You want to get up but your brain won’t let your body move. It feels heavier than lead. Your limbs feel immobile. You want to scream out of frustration or cry from exhaustion. But you can’t. You can’t function anymore. 

It feels like there’s a dark mass that has formed around you. Preventing you from getting out or anyone getting in. Your life feels like it has been reduced to whispers and echoes. Maybe you don’t deserve those life lemons because you can’t use them anyway. 

This last year I was diagnosed with depression. I asked for help and it turned my life around tremendously. I actually feel like a genuinely happy person. It’s amazing. 

If you or anyone you know is struggling with depression, self harm, or suicidal thoughts, ask for help. safeut.org , 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline