Meat is man’s best discovery. Rather, man’s favorite thing to exploit. Meat infests everything from your favorite fast food to Doritos. Sean Yamada, Timpview junior, says that his favorite part of eating meat is the delicious smell of barbecue, and the savory “aftertaste.” However, to some, meat is man’s best friend. Nevertheless, we think that every individual should opt for carnivorism because your life will be better, and your belly fatter. Here’s six benefits to being a meat-eater! 

1. Killing Animals Is Fun!

You don’t have to get down and dirty in the woods to kill animals when you have Doordash! Who cares about overcrowded, filthy living conditions for the animals when eating animals in the comfort of your home is so convenient. You can get all the thrill of murdering living things with the click of a button. From farm to table! 

2. Using Up the Earth’s Natural Resources 

There’s a reason why there’s so many animals…to be eaten by us humans! Earth’s resources are meant to be used up, am I right? YOLO! A single pound of beef requires about 1,800 gallons of water and meat consumption accounts for ⅓ of global emissions, but gotta have those patties for the neighborhood cookout! 

3. Building Your Immune System

And of course, how could we forget about the buffet of diseases meat offers. Who wouldn’t want a surprise round of food poisoning, salmonella, or even E.coli to keep it interesting? I mean, vegetables could never give you the adrenaline rush of wondering if tonight’s chicken will give you salmonella. So really, sticking with meat is building your body’s resistance. The more diseases you get the better!

4. Heart Disease

Burgers. Who doesn’t love ‘em? Some meats are high in saturated fat, which can raise blood cholesterol levels if you eat too much of it. Having high cholesterol raises your risk of coronary heart disease. Red meat, the kind in burgers, is PERFECT for this! If you’re choosing between a salad and a nice McDonald’s meal for dinner, choose the sodium packed burger!

5. Submitting to Capitalism 

Capitalism is, to some, the downfall of our society. To us meat-eaters, it’s the backbone of our existence. The meat processing industry has accelerated to accommodate the growing consumer demands and market competition. As a result, animals live their entire lives packed into tiny cages, body to body with their fellow species. Even though these animals are being boiled alive and forced to suffer in uncomfortable conditions, who cares! They’re just animals, after all. 

6. Vegetarianism is so hard to maintain, Albert Einstein could only do it for the last year of his life!

That’s right, the smartest person EVER was vegetarian. What a wimp, right? He even published a paper in 1930 explaining how it would benefit human health and temperament. Definitely don’t listen to that guy…

So, to conclude, eating meat is NOT that deep. Who cares if you destroy the environment, expose yourself to countless diseases, and support the corrupt meat industry along the way…?

We care! We hope this inspires you to be more mindful of what you’re consuming 🙂