There’s no denying it: America is in recession. Gas prices are soaring, eggs are $40 a carton, and people are finding hobbies again. Among all the signs of our current economic decline, there are some that I find far more telling than others. Here are my top six, and what I think they reveal about the political and economic state of the world right now. (Jaden Smith on BigBoyTV, 2018)
Ozempic
Skinny is back! Low rise jeans and baby tees joining the trend cycle means visible hip bones are now “high fashion” and not “malnourishment”. If you can’t afford Ozempic like the rest of us non-Kardashians, the good news is that food prices are soaring, which means starving is synonymous with saving money.
Minimalism
Keeping it small is a general trend of the 2025 recession. Underconsumption is amazing for the planet, but horrible for most of our closets. TikTok’s UGC creators have adopted “mindful” shopping— say goodbye to $200 Shein hauls! That money is better spent on the perfect minimalistic, beige, soft lighting, 6 by 12 inch bedside table lamp.
Reverse Plastic Surgery (All-Natural Movement)
Kylie Jenner dissolved her fillers! Kim Kardashian reversed her BBL! This urgent news indicates a greater trend towards affordability. Turns out, wearing a bare face and embracing one’s natural voluptuousness is cheaper in the long run than 3 rhinoplasty revisions! Who would’ve thought!
Run Clubs (We’re craving community)
Who actually enjoys running? The answer is nobody, which means that if all the neighborhood moms are trotting around at 9:00 a.m. every Monday morning (No earlier than that— Emily and Ethan have to be dropped off at school), we should fear for the future of our country. After all, in dark times like these, we crave safety, comfort, and a little bit of rivalry. No better way to fill an empty stomach than to surround yourself with love and support from your dearest frenemies.
If you’re paying $50 a jog, you have no reason to be worried for the future of America. You’ll do just fine on your own!
Cheap Depop “Vintage” Brandy Finds
The art of lowballing is one most of us are familiar with, but only 0.06% of Depop shoppers can claim success in this trade. If you’re in the other 99.94% of thrifters, now’s your chance to get that discontinued striped Brandy zip-up hoodie for 50% off! Right now, everyone’s taking what they can get, even if it means accepting the lowest of lowballs.
The Sourdough Baking Craze
Baking sourdough, although it seems like it, isn’t growing in popularity because of its 14-day long fermentation process and hit-or-miss nature. It’s cheaper to source our own goods than buying processed alternatives from the local Harmons. In the long run, a well-harvested sourdough baby can last up to years in the fridge. It could last you through multiple recessions, if you opted for King Arthur’s Flour instead of Great Value.
My attention span isn’t long enough to write about more than six recession indicators— time is money these days. If you think I missed one on my Greatest Recession Indicators Of All Time (GRIOAT) list, let me know in the comments!
